Take A Deep Breath


Today was better than yesterday. Less paranoia at work at least, though I still can’t shake the feeling that my peer mentor at my station thinks I’m stupid and can’t do my job. I don’t know if this is a real concern or not. My singular friend doesn’t seem to know there was any sort of uncertainty about the status of our relationship going on in my head, as he’s all happy about meeting on Saturday for beer and conversation, and a possible trip to the city.

I guess that was all in my head, I’m glad I nutted up and talked to him.

Came home and cleaned the apartment, scooped the litter, scrubbed the tub and floor and finally took care of the dishes I’d left in the sink for a full week. The fruitfly situation has improved as well since I scrubbed the counters with this anti-grease stuff.

Still, locked my bedroom door when I got into bed tonight. Had a lot of trouble getting out of bed this morning and almost couldn’t bring myself to scrub the dog vomit off the floor, little dog got sick this morning and it actually took some internal effort to kick him off the bed before he ruined the sheets. I have no idea why getting up is so hard, considering I have to be at work at 2:30 PM and I usually end up in bed at 3 AM. I’ve been sleeping dead until 1:45 PM every day. No clue why, as when I get to work I have boundless amounts of energy.

Haven’t eaten much of anything for the past few days other than coke zero and cookies either. Don’t know if that makes me a fatass or what, considering breakfast is a slice of pizza and lunch is a pack of M&M’s/a cookie. The car looks like someone threw a dumpster into it, gotta clean that out before my friend comes over on Saturday. I’m kind of hoping some lingering sense of shame convinces me to empty it out. I have to scrub the floor too since the laundry detergent bottle I tossed in there exploded.

Still. A better day is a better day. Have to see the psychologist tomorrow for med prescriptions, I’ll be passing off the information for the mail order meds then.


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