Okay so I may have had like three too many but one of my biggest regrets is not actually having sex with my first boyfriend. I kind of wish I’d gotten seriously drunk and had sex with him, if only so I could really tell for real if I’d like it or not. I don’t honestly know, as I’ve never had it, and I don’t think I ever will since the only men who ever hit on me are old guys my dads age and I have like 9/10s of a semblance of standards.

Like just enough standards to not sleep with a guy in a truck.

Like maybe a young guy with a truck.

Anyway, feel free to disregard this post as it is entirely smashed as am I. I need to buy stamps.

The daily fuckup journal is working well. I was also moved to a more weld heavy area of the shop so at least I’ll finally be able to get some hood time at work, rather than sit in front of a robot and touch myself for eight hours.

I don’t know what robot operators do. I wasn’t trained for this.

I’ll post later when I’m more sober.


The fuck guys



This is what I get for making friends with severely left wing fanatics.

Yes, I get it. Trump is bad news. No one likes Trump on any of my social media timelines. Fuck, I don’t like him either.

But you know, TpYNDNG LkeikE yoIERNR INEAND EARlDFNTHquAKE isn’t really the way to express disappointment. And that’s what it is. Disappointment. We’re disappointed. In the end we’ll just have a cheeto colored dude from Jersey who can’t get along with congress or the senate and can’t get anything done, and gets to go overseas and make us all look like tools for four years.

He’s a dick. He’s an ass. He’s a dry dick in a dry ass, but he isn’t lethal. Just exceedingly uncomfortable and we’re gonna regret bending over for this so enthusiastically after a while and when he’s done we’ll make shitty jokes about it.

In the mean time, I’m staying way the hell off social media, because I don’t want to see gloating, and I don’t want to see shaking and sobbing and vomiting while rocking in the fetal position. Neither of these will make me feel good.

Instead, I’m going to happily go back to ignoring politics.

This entire election was gross and both candidates were garbage.

Take A Deep Breath



Today was better than yesterday. Less paranoia at work at least, though I still can’t shake the feeling that my peer mentor at my station thinks I’m stupid and can’t do my job. I don’t know if this is a real concern or not. My singular friend doesn’t seem to know there was any sort of uncertainty about the status of our relationship going on in my head, as he’s all happy about meeting on Saturday for beer and conversation, and a possible trip to the city.

I guess that was all in my head, I’m glad I nutted up and talked to him.

Came home and cleaned the apartment, scooped the litter, scrubbed the tub and floor and finally took care of the dishes I’d left in the sink for a full week. The fruitfly situation has improved as well since I scrubbed the counters with this anti-grease stuff.

Still, locked my bedroom door when I got into bed tonight. Had a lot of trouble getting out of bed this morning and almost couldn’t bring myself to scrub the dog vomit off the floor, little dog got sick this morning and it actually took some internal effort to kick him off the bed before he ruined the sheets. I have no idea why getting up is so hard, considering I have to be at work at 2:30 PM and I usually end up in bed at 3 AM. I’ve been sleeping dead until 1:45 PM every day. No clue why, as when I get to work I have boundless amounts of energy.

Haven’t eaten much of anything for the past few days other than coke zero and cookies either. Don’t know if that makes me a fatass or what, considering breakfast is a slice of pizza and lunch is a pack of M&M’s/a cookie. The car looks like someone threw a dumpster into it, gotta clean that out before my friend comes over on Saturday. I’m kind of hoping some lingering sense of shame convinces me to empty it out. I have to scrub the floor too since the laundry detergent bottle I tossed in there exploded.

Still. A better day is a better day. Have to see the psychologist tomorrow for med prescriptions, I’ll be passing off the information for the mail order meds then.